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Want Truth? - read Humor

Discussion in 'Mess Hall' started by kamuta, Dec 4, 2012.

  1. kamuta

    kamuta MQL45 Representative

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    • Q: What?s the difference between an investor and a pigeon?
    A: The pigeon can still make a deposit on a house.


    • Q: What?s the difference between a guy who just lost everything in Vegas and an investment banker?
    A: A tie.


    • Q: How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Two ? one to change the bulb, the other to sell off the old one at the highest price possible before CNBC reports that it?s burned out.


    • Q: What?s the difference between a bond and a bond trader?
    A: A bond matures


    • Q. What's the difference between an economist and a befuddled old man with Alzheimer's?
    A. The economist is the one with the calculator.


    • The First Law of Economics: For every economist, there exists an equal and opposite economist.
    The Second Law of Economics: They're both wrong.
     
  2. Pharaoh

    Pharaoh Colonel

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    Damn. I forgot where I put my calculator. :(
     
  3. ada1976

    ada1976 Private, 1st Class

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    TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
    You have two cows. You sell one, and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.


    ENRON CAPITALISM:
    You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed
    company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.


    AMERICAN CAPITALISM:
    You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the
    milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.


    ISLAMIC CAPITALISM:
    You have two cows. You strap dynamite to them hoping they will save you 2 suicide bomber resources - they blow up accidentally, you have no cows.


    FRENCH CAPITALISM:
    You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.


    JAPANESE CAPITALISM:
    You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.


    GERMAN CAPITALISM:
    You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.


    BRITISH CAPITALISM:
    You have two cows. Both are mad.



    SPANISH>ITALIAN CAPITALISM:
    You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.


    RUSSIAN CAPITALISM:
    You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.


    HEBREW CAPITALISM:
    You have 5,000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.


    HINDU CAPITALISM:
    You have two cows. You worship them.


    CHINESE CAPITALISM:
    You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the journalist who reported the numbers.
     
  4. perryfx

    perryfx Private, 1st Class

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    Very Nice One ;)
     
  5. Pharaoh

    Pharaoh Colonel

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    Alaskan Capitalism:
    You have two cows. Your cows freeze to death. You learn how to hunt seals while trying not to get eaten by polar bears.
     
  6. kamuta

    kamuta MQL45 Representative

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    Is this means that you agree with CHINESE CAPITALISM?
    I personally VERY agree with RUSSIAN CAPITALISM but russian cows kill for vodka... :)
    And this is so interesting that I just made EA by this STRATEGY:
     
  7. Pharaoh

    Pharaoh Colonel

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    Chinese Capitalism, Version 2.
    You have 200 cows. You hire 2 people to milk them and tell them that they need to work 10 hours per day, 5 days per week. You tell the workers that they temporarily need to work 18 hours per day, 7 days per week. You wonder why your workers both died of exhaustion after a few months.


    Greek Capitalism
    You have 2 cows. You hire 4 people to milk them. You have to borrow money from Germany to help pay the salaries and benefits. To save money, you reduce the retirement age for people who milk cows for a living.
     
  8. kamuta

    kamuta MQL45 Representative

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    Let’s read a little humor on the subject of phantom currencies, Martians, and platinum coins from Hugh Smith

    The $1 trillion coin saga takes an unexpected twist....

    The $1 trillion platinum coin saga took a surprising turn as the Central Bank of Mars has expressed interest in buying 100 of the proposed coins. Interpreters are puzzling over the meaning and subtexts of the Martian communique; since Martian is described as an often-ambiguous combination of Fortran and Hungarian, this is no easy task.

    Opinion on the Martian offer is divided. Some suspect the Martian Central Bank intends to buy the $100 trillion in platinum coins with electronically created quatloos, i.e. worthless currency.

    These observers believe the Martians intend to claim the $100 trillion in platinum coins constitutes a claim on the entire U.S.A., the purchase of which would effectively give the Martian Central Bank a massive beachhead on Earth.

    Others believe the Martian Central Bank is simply playing an interplanetary practical joke, showing that any central bank that issues its own currency can magically create phantom money and assets. What better way to illustrate this than to buy $100 trillion in phantom assets with equally phantom quatloos?

    A smaller cadre of analysts suspect the Martian Central Bank naively believes the fantasy that the arbitrary creation of assets, either via platinum coins or electronic entries in the Federal Reserve's balance sheet, creates actual value. Though this credulity borders on the fantastic, these analysts point to the many commentators in the U.S. who have bought into the platinum coin fantasy.

    If Paul Krugman et al. have swallowed the fantasy that something of real value can be created from nothing, then why not the Martian Central Bank?
     
  9. Pharaoh

    Pharaoh Colonel

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    Martian Capitalism
    Print enough quatloos to buy the Earth. Evict the current residents and import workers from the moons of Saturn to return the planet to a state of stable productivity.
     
  10. matteoabelli

    matteoabelli Recruit

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    The 2nd question is really funny ;)

     

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