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Jokes

Discussion in 'Mess Hall' started by pippinjay, May 29, 2008.

  1. pippinjay

    pippinjay Recruit

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    This place needs some livening up.

    Food and Heart Attacks

    After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and heart health.

    1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

    2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

    3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

    4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

    5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.


    Their Conclusion.

    Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
     
  2. pippinjay

    pippinjay Recruit

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    When does a person decide to become a forex broker?







    When he realizes he doesn't have enough honesty to be a mobster or enough charisma to be an undertaker.
     
  3. pippinjay

    pippinjay Recruit

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    My forex broker and I are working on a retirement plan.


    Unfortunately, it's his!
    ;)
     
  4. cowmadagan

    cowmadagan Sergeant

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    Top ten reasons Forex people are the best lovers:

    10. They'll stick with a position for as long as it works.
    9. They'll switch positions without an argument.
    8. They pay attention to every indicator they know for what to do next.
    7. Know to ignore anything else that's going on when the action deserves attention.
    6. Knows what to do whether the trend is sideways, ascending or descending.
    5. Avoids pairings they don't understand.
    4. Does everything they can to avoid getting a call in the middle of the action.
    3. Knows to control risk (any parents out there?)
    2. They never try to enter when they're not ready.

    and the number one reason?
    Prepared to lose sleep to get in the action...24hrs a day.
     
  5. Ludvik Cizinsky

    Ludvik Cizinsky Private

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    Frenchman vs American

    I like pippinjay's and cowmadagan's jokes... I will add a good one myself, although it's not forex:

    An American is having breakfast in Paris one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation:
    "You American folk eat the whole bread?"

    American (in a bad mood) replies:
    "Of course..."

    Frenchman after blowing a huge bubble continues:
    "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the states..."
    The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.

    The American listens in silence. But the Frenchman persists:
    "Do you eat jelly with the bread?"

    American answers: "Of course!"

    Frenchman cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling adds:
    "We don't! In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them into jam, and sell it to the states..."

    After a moment of silence, the American then asks:
    "Do you have sex in France?"

    Frenchman replies:
    "Why? Of course we do!" And again displays a big smirk.

    American:
    "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

    Frenchman:
    "We throw them away, of course..."

    American:
    "We don't! In America, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gums, and sell them to France..."
     
  6. cowmadagan

    cowmadagan Sergeant

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    This baby seal finds its way to a club...


















    Sorry...
     
  7. cowmadagan

    cowmadagan Sergeant

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    Ok...here's a classic...
    If you want to remember it, just remember the punchline and work it out...some people will think you're clever...

    What do you get if you cross a dyslexic, an agnostic, and an insomniac?





    Someone who constantly stays up all night unsure if there really is a doG.
     
  8. Forexwatchman

    Forexwatchman Sergeant

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    Keep it going!
     
  9. cowmadagan

    cowmadagan Sergeant

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    Here's a great joke:


    my life
     
  10. cowmadagan

    cowmadagan Sergeant

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    Ok...this one was told to me by a dutchman...try to leave the 'oh, that means every one of group x can do y? You're such an insensitive z.'
    It's simply just something he said that just seemed ironic at the time, (and it was almost ten years ago) and it's not a statement of any group's mindset, limitations, advantages, or more so meant to have any lasting effect past a second or so.
    Anyways,

    How can we be sure that the world is coming to an end?

    The world's best golfer is black (Tiger Woods, who's actually half Asian and half African if I recall)
    The world's best rapper is white (Eminem...but 'best' in art is ludicrous)
    The French are calling the Americans arrogant. (No rejoiner)
    And the Germans don't want to go to war.
    hmm...check this site out: Brennende Autos: eine Chronologie der Brandanschläge
    The little google map pointers are all of the sites in the greater Berlin area where luxury cars have been burned in protest of globalization.....hmmm
     
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