Jokes

[LoRio]

The wolverine got a margin call, took the elevator to the top floor and jumped?

They bought silver futures.

A wolverine and a vampire go onto the trading floor.At the end of the session only the wolverine comes out.What happened?

 

[caplas]

Q: Why did God create stock analysts ?
A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.

 

[Luca81]

Management student kisses a girl.
Girl: Whats this?
Boy: Its called DIRECT MARKETING.
(Girl slaps the boy)
Boy: What is this?
Girl: This is CUSTOMER FEED BACK.

 

[JRuggerz]

this...

 

[John Sachman]

What do you call an Italian astronaut?

A specimen.

 

[Luca81]

"October: This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February." - Mark Twain

 

[caplas]

Oldie but goodie:

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost.
He reduced his altitude and saw a man below.
"Excuse me, but can you help me?
I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but
I don't know where I am," he said.

The man below replied: "You are in a hot air balloon
hovering approximately 30 ft above the ground.
You are between 40 and 41 degrees North latitude and
between 56 and 57 degrees West longitude."

To which the balloonist replied:
"You must be a broker." To which the man on the ground said:
"I am, but how did you know?"

The reply came from above: "Everything you told me is
technically correct but I have no idea what to make of your
information, and the fact is I'm still lost.
Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The man below responded: "You must be a trader."
To which the balloonist replied: "Yes, I am, but how did you know?"

To which the man on the ground said: "You don't know where you
are or where you are going. You have risen to your current position
due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have
no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem.
The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in
before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

 

[LoRio]

Oldie but goodie:

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost.
He reduced his altitude and saw a man below.
"Excuse me, but can you help me?
I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but
I don't know where I am," he said.

The man below replied: "You are in a hot air balloon
hovering approximately 30 ft above the ground.
You are between 40 and 41 degrees North latitude and
between 56 and 57 degrees West longitude."

To which the balloonist replied:
"You must be a broker." To which the man on the ground said:
"I am, but how did you know?"

The reply came from above: "Everything you told me is
technically correct but I have no idea what to make of your
information, and the fact is I'm still lost.
Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The man below responded: "You must be a trader."
To which the balloonist replied: "Yes, I am, but how did you know?"

To which the man on the ground said: "You don't know where you
are or where you are going. You have risen to your current position
due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have
no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem.
The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in
before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

bang on!hahaha

 

[Lizetteb1]

What's the difference between a dead snake and a dead lawyer lying in the street?

There are skid marks in front of one of them...

 

[Luca81]

What’s another name for long term investment?
A failed short term investment!